Of My Moleskine Notebook

The one which intruiged me

What drives you? Is it fear? Is it passion? – Driven

Well what drives you? What is that special force that pushes you to aim higher and run for it’s worth. What gives you the air to breathe? Or have you just been living an empty role, waiting till the end of your days? Yeah we are given food to eat, oxygen and carbon dioxide, water vapour, nitrogen and inert gases for respiration, but really, what is that thing that stirs the eagerness of yours to move forward?
What drives you? Oh don’t think about Caltex and its petrol but deeper, the deeper fuel in you.

What is your muse?

Number One
Dreams you say? Life you say? Faith maybe? But what is faith when you don’t believe it anymore? What is the term “dream” when all it seems is that and nothing more? Why life when it’s giving you the lowdown?

What drives you to live? To live in this challenging yet beautiful, yet sometimes ugly world? This place of temporary-ness which spans a good 70 years? What makes you study like mad for your exams?Your future you say. But what future? I know, if you work hard and well enough then God will reward you with the fruits of this world and the after life.

Two
So yeah, my point is not that we’re living for nothing but there’s got to be some kind of force, petrol that pushes us, that deep bit of strength in us, the one that makes us feel mental fatigue when we lack it. But what is it?

Have you heard , or do you remember Robbie William’s song, “Let Love Be Your Energy”? It’s something like make love want you to push higher and better for the likes of those you love. Its the emotion that a soldier has when he fights for his country, that he loves his nation. Or is that so? So could it be love?

Could it be anger? Ever heard of those cases when someone puts you down and the only thing that wants you to prove and care about the subject and hand that you are better than that person’s expectations. And you know, that the emotion that makes you strive for it is your anger and grudge against that person?

Could it be frustration? After failing at wanting to do something, you change that emotion of yours of being so uncontrollably angry that you have no other option but to move ahead?

Three
Realise the similarity of these options? They are what you feel, of yours of an individual, not of anyone else except yourself. Not by the expense of care of anyone, but yourself. Its you. Its you that feels it, not me, not anyone.

But what is it that you feel? Emotions? Do emotions push you?Or you can say, Oh, i’m doing this for Mama/Papa/ my girl/ my guy/ my cat/ my boss and so on…

But they don’t do anything. They don’t send signals and push you literally, neither do emotions. Well yeah hormones are known for their capability of driving you to do things but if you think about it, hormones are not the reason of you, say, winning the race for your girlfriend, but its the THOUGHT of winning that makes you want to win.

Its the thought of the emotion that drives you.

Four
If you agree with me enough to be reading this chapter, then lets move on.

Well think about it. I’m doing this for etc… I’m doing this for the thought of etc..

So am I saying thoughts is our petrol? Maybe. And petrol will last in the next 70 years or so and the fossil fuels will be done by then. Same with thoughts.

And when we lose the thought of striving is when we give up.
And when I lose the thought of writing this post I shall stop.

What thought drives you?

//My first ever puisi

Dunia ini
berlalu seperti khayalan
kita hanya mimpi seorang diri
dengan perasaan dan permintaan

Adakah itu makna dunia ini?
sebagai sebuah perantaraan
satu permainan
satu percarian yang dinamakan cabaran

Bayangan lain orangnya termain main di depan mataku
seperti wayang atau filem yang rekodnya rosak
tetapi diriku tersedar
ini semangat hati mereka, bukan yang aku sedang berdebar

Mereka kata dunia ini
adalah satu tempat kita sebelum berserah kepada-Nya
tetapi kepadaku, disamping itu, dunia ini adalah
tempat kita mencari diri kita yang sebenar

Dan dari dunia ini-lah
kita akan beredar

Please do comment =)

And oh yes btw:

Your Years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Name
Age
House	GryffindorHufflepuffRavenclawSlytherin
Family Line	MugglebornHalf-BloodPure-Blood
Dated	Harry Potter
You are well known for	Subduing Peeves, YAY!!!
Percentage of student body you shagged – 56%
How do the staff and students feel about you	They LOVE you
This fun quiz by lady_ameily – Taken 185708 Times.

New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

I know I don’t do this but- SCORE! I mean come on, me, shag 56 percent of Hogwarts? That is the best thing I’ve ever heard from a quiz in a long time.

And yes, I know it sounds, very very, sad.

//Genre: Prose

She was awoken with the soft stirring and buzzing of an F.M radio. It was those belted out tunes that made her make her way down to the surface straight into
The Room . It was the restriction of choice that made her soul move and bustle to get to yet another place, for the future she did not know and did not own.

She felt fatigue.

Of orange juice and a chocolate coated pastry, she challenged time and left. The background of vibration? Conte Patiro , Mr Cole and a bit of Mr. Young. She felt guilt, she felt fatigue yet again. Theres so much in this world to live for, but I can’t think right.

Think of what? You’ll never know.

So the minutes and bits and clumps of chalk dust floated through. Laughter echoed across the compound of stray elements, trying to keep its own form. We are so young, why try to find ourselves now?

And so she left with her scholar trademark over a shoulder, and nothing but unseen sins and maybe deeds on the other. Its only existence is in the thoughts, and thoughts now are unpredicatable.

Then she saw you. Would you please listen Horatio? I saw my King’s dead spirit flying over my castle and I need you to talk to.

But you don’t hear her. You seem ignorant to the many Hamlets and Ophelias in this world.

You yourself had your scholar trademark, and your other shoulder looking seemingly fine. You turn to face her for a second, nothing out of the ordinary. Then you clutch your advanced mathematics textbook tighter.

Your wearing it like an accessory. Why, left your bonnet?

Truth is, I’ve never seen anyone look so good with numerals.

I realized I’ve not blogged for a long time. And believe me, it’s been at the back of my mind, bugging me ever so much. Well truth is, I’ve been occupied with school activities and it kinda made me forgot about my blog and milkteeth and whats not.

And I was also holding a grudge, thank you very much Soket. Here’s a not serious post and I must admit that I was offended by your statement.

Oh well.

Have you guys ever dreamt of living your ideal life? Living your dreams you say. Living to what you think is bliss but in other words, living out perfection is your perception.

We live in this world for a purpose that we don’t really know (or do and fail to do something about) yet in the end all we care about is to be perfect.

I read an article in the NST, like months and months ago and this guy said something along its another year and another year for the quest of perfection. I didn’t really understand it then but now when I lost some sense of clarity I once had, I truly understand.

Look at our everyday activities for example. Look at a normal school student. In the morning, they go to school, then what more they go for extra classes, tuitions and what not. Then, they participate for competitions and join as many clubs as possible. Compete for number one in the class, get 8 A’s for PMR and say your content.

Repeat that for a few years, then battle for a place in a top 10 university. Get an honors degree, get another degree or mba then get a job that goes from 8-7 making lots of money while your mother brags about your pay. Get married, breed as many as possible, make them live your past then die happily like another clone from Frikking-Perfect Land.

Or maybe that is not your ideal life.

Or maybe your ideal life is going to school, having fun. Living a great school life and get a really cool degree like Media, Music and Film. Graduate and get a really nice job. Live the boheme life and die happy in your minimalist apartment with nothing to worry about.

Face it, what ever is your ideal life or state of mind, your asking for perfection. If you think about it, even Zen is perfection. Its too extreme, too minimal. Zen is when you want nothing, feel nothing and have nothing to think of. And, NOTHING is perfect.

Even so called laid back people who don’t care about these arguements care. They care so much that they say “Like, who cares?”. The only reason you make that statement is coz you care. If you didn’t you wouldn’t even voice it out in your blog, your conversations or your songs.

But is being flawed a good thing. Imagine the world if everyone was number one on the charts while they had an IQ of infinity. It won’t be normal anymore. It won’t be a challenge. It won’t be satisfying to live and compete anymore coz its just too easy.

I guess thats why we are not living a perfect life. Coz struggling for a perfect one is a challenge that we want. Without that challenge, what else would we do?